Sooo... I’ve just opened a packet of LoveHearts (a small one, ‘cos I’m cheap and can’t be bothered to buy a large tube) because I haven't had one in a while and want to experience the awesomeness of reading them with all of you.
The first heart reads ‘WILD THING’. Would someone please explain to me why this is acceptable? I thought that LoveHearts were cute sweets that you could give to a loved one/friend/admirer/stalker/yourself as a little joke - however, this does not seem to be the case anymore. When I give a friend a LoveHeart I do not want them presuming anything about our relationship when they read it. 'WILD THING' is simply too out-there! For me, when I open up a packet to find ‘WILD THING’ written over my pink LoveHeart, the first thing that comes into my head is ‘Wild thing...you’re such a ... wild thing’ (It’s a song..- I think, anyway), this is not something I want to see. I wanted something cute that I could smile at for a second, before continuing on with my day.However, I decide to not lose all faith in humanity (and LoveHearts) just yet and look at the next heart, hoping for something a little more cute, and a little more mainstream.
‘CHEEKY BOY’. Could this get any worse? Since when were LoveHearts sexualised? I feel violated by a circular pink sweet. I am not a boy and I definitely don't want a LoveHeart telling me that I am 'cheeky'. Anyway, I move swiftly over this one and look hopefully at the third one – third time lucky...
‘EVER YOURS’. Ok so this is getting better. This is more like what I expected from my LoveHearts experience, although if a friend gave this to me I would worry that they would get the wrong idea. You'd have to accompany it with the message, 'I SWEAR I DON'T THINK THAT YOU OWN ME' and that would open up a whole new, unnecessarily awkward conversation.
The fourth one is the same: ‘EVER YOURS’. I think someone is trying to hammer home a point - the LoveHearts are getting a bit desperate for my liking. But, meh, I guess it’s better than two ‘CHEEKY BOY’ sweets in a row.
The fifth sweet is upside down.I turn it over tentatively – I love how I’ve managed to make this into a fun game for myself – ahhh procrastination at its best! ‘BE HAPPY’. Wow. I’m actually so pleased. This is how I remember the old LoveHearts, telling me things to cheer up my day. I will be happy, LoveHeart sweet, I will be happy because you told me to be so.
The next sweet is also upside down....’CRAZY’. Cool. Now the LoveHearts seem to have taken on a fortune teller persona. ‘You vill be happy, my child....however, I zee a verd [word] which sums you up...crazee. Zat iz you, my child.’ Why thank you my German/Russian fortune teller LoveHeart...pretty much summed me up in one word. Fab. – I shall move onto the seventh and last sweet in the packet (told you it was a small packet!)
‘HI LOVE’. How polite. Although this clearly does not have a particularly deep meaning my faith has somewhat been restored in LoveHearts. But I’d still like it explained why in a packet of 7 sweets, the messages are so random...and some of them are just plain weird, as well as the fact that there was a pathetic amount of variation.
The moral of this is: just eat the sweets, don’t bother thinking too much about the messages (unless, of course, you want to procrastinate, then lots of things that would usually be weird become acceptable).
THANK YOU CONNIE
Link to Connie's tumblr incase you've fallen in love with her (and just because her tumblr's abnormally good): http://that-kid-billy-loves-you.tumblr.com/
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