I don’t know about you, but I have an incredible talent/flaw of being able to make a perfectly comfortable situation devastatingly awkward within a few moments. People can just be discussing something random like which tube to take, and I’ll pipe up with a comment that sounded witty and hilarious in my mind, but comes out as a stuttering jumble of words that does not receive the laugh I anticipated - rather just a bemused look from the people I am with (or, if I am with my friends, the harsh truth that what I said was stupid.) I thought that this had been a recent development in my life, but in reality I remember being in year 9 or 10 and I would realise in the middle of an anecdote that it was neither funny nor relevant. There are two things to do when you find yourself in this position; either trail off and mumble something and hope no one says anything, or exaggerate the story so that although it is very funny, it is only vaguely true.
However, it has got worse recently, and I think this is because not only am I able to make things awkward (which I’ve been doing since I was about 6 and told my friend’s mum I watched a TV show that literally does not exist just for lols), but so are other people.
Like, last August when I was on this summer school thing for a week but I didn’t know anyone, and this one girl insisted on shaking my hand when we first met. When she had, she just said, ‘your hand is really cold.’ Instead of saying, ‘yeah well yours was uncomfortably warm, jerk’ I knew I had to be polite but, I mean, WHAT DO YOU SAY? I opted for a mumbly, ‘I’m sorry’ to which she said, ‘It was just an observation.’ We then both kind of looked at each other like, this is actually really odd, and I tried to incorporate myself into someone else’s conversation. The same girl later made a snide comment about my (hilarious) t-shirt featuring a picture of a raccoon on a tree with the words, ‘lets hang out’ on. That was unnecessary. She also made me list every single GCSE I took because there was a pause in conversation. I then had to ask her for hers. Whilst she was speaking all I could think was, ‘what am I doing here?’ and then it was awkward because I hadn't heard what she had said, and went on to say, ‘I’m just so glad I don’t have to do chemistry anymore!’ She was like, ‘I just said I do chemistry.’ I don’t know how you recover that. I hate that moment when you’ve been trying to make a passing comment and then it turns into an insult and the person you’re talking to is really annoyed (it happens more than you would think).
However, I must admit that I am particularly bad in some/all situations, for example, in year 10 we were taken to some place for a science talk, or something. In the break I was trying to buy some mini-eggs from the vending machine, but they didn't fall down. I tried to kick the machine, but then this boy came forward and bought another packet so that mine fell down with his. I am ashamed to say that instead of thanking this nice boy, I assumed he was trying to steal my mini-eggs so pushed him aside and ran away. Not metaphorical running or anything, I am talking about just sprinting away. I was meant to keep that anecdote on the DL because I come out of it as not only someone stupid, but also a jerk, but I have been forced by so many people to tell them anyway that I may as well publish it on here (no one really reads this anyway *crying*).
But it is really odd how the slightest odd comment can transport you and the people you are with (almost always people you don’t know very well) into a long-lasting silence of awkwardness. When you are included in one of these long silences you literally cannot think of anything to say - your mind goes completely blank. Someone then inevitably points out that this is an awkward silence, everyone sort of laughs, and then it’s just silent again. You rack your brain for things to say, and end up with something either totally pathetic like, ‘the weather has been nice, yeah?’ or something weird like, ‘did you know that although your nose and ears grow throughout your life, your eyes dont? Crazy, eh?’
However, awkward moments like this do not have to happen just with people that you do not know very well. One time in class I overheard a girl saying, ‘every blonde girl I’ve ever met has been a slut’. Of course, I then said, ‘I’m blonde’. The longest, worst silence ever then ensued. What was worse was that people told me that I had made it awkward, when obviously the claim that every girl you've met who happens to be blonde is also a slut (whatever your definition of that is!) simply cannot be true!
Or, what about when you’re trying to congratulate a girl you’ve known for years about passing her driving test, but accidentally instead of saying, ‘well done on your driving test!’ you say, ‘good luck on your driving test!’ She was too polite to say anything and I only realised afterwards what I had done.
Or, how about when you think everyone around you watches Peep Show, so start laughing about the episode in which Mark gets raped, and they all judge you for laughing at rape.
Finally, how about when you go to a party dressed as a pirate (long story) and your friend immediately says, ‘you belong in The Inbetweeners!’ I asked if she meant as one of the unreachable but desirable girls. She said no.
I don’t really know how to conclude this. Awkward silences are always awkward, especially when your 11 year old cousin says, ‘silence’ when there is a pause in conversation. Soo... Yeah.
Awkward silence.
ALSO HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYDIA MORRIS! OMG 18 OMG
ALSO HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYDIA MORRIS! OMG 18 OMG
